Bromance Over Romance, Say Men in New Study
Men found it easier to express their feelings in bromances than romances.
Posted Oct 17, 2017
Bromances can be important to heterosexual men, and can in fact be even more valued than romances. Professors Stefan Robinson, Adam White, and Eric Anderson of the University of Winchester in the U.K. interviewed 30 second-year university students, all of whom had experience (either currently or in the past) with a bromance and a romantic relationship with a woman. Their findings were just reported online in the journal Men and Masculinities.
A bromance, to the men in the study, was similar to a romance with a woman, except for the lack of any desire for sex. The participants said things like, “We are basically like a couple,” and “They are like a guy girlfriend.”
These bromances usually included:
- Disclosure of personal matters.
- Sharing secrets with the bromantic partner and no one else.
- Overt expressions of emotions.
- Feelings of trust and love.
- Willingness to be vulnerable.
- Hugging, kissing, and cuddling — all regarded as non-sexual. (All but one of the men said that they had cuddled with a bromantic partner. All 30 said that their physical interactions were not about sexual desire.)
The physical intimacy is perhaps the most surprising component of the bromances, especially considering that not so long ago, the stigma against intimacy between men was quite intense. Here are some examples of the ways the men talked about physical intimacy with their bromantic partners:
- “We hug when we meet, and we sleep in the same bed when we have sleepovers.”
- “There’s a great photo of me and Tom on Facebook cuddling.”
- “I think most guys in bromances cuddle ... It’s not a sexual thing, either. It shows you care.”
The men valued their bromances over their romances in every way but one.
There was just one way in which the men valued their romantic relationships over their bromances: Sex was included only in their romantic relationships. In every other way, the men valued their bromances more:
Self-disclosure. All but two of the 30 men said they would prefer to discuss personal matters with their bromantic partner than their girlfriend. Six specifically mentioned matters of health — they said they would tell their bromantic partners about those concerns before they would tell their girlfriends.
Nonjudgmental. One participant said, “A girlfriend will judge you, and a bromance will never judge you.” With their girlfriends, the men worried more about saying the wrong thing. They felt that they were more often performing, rather than just behaving naturally.
The men felt particularly constrained in what they could say about other women. As one participant noted, “The first rule is you don’t speak about other girls.” Interestingly, though, the men claimed that their girlfriends knew about their cuddling with their bromantic partners and did not mind it. Still, the women wanted their boyfriends to prioritize their romantic relationship over their bromance.
Emotional stability. The men described their bromances as calmer and more emotionally stable than their romances. (As the authors noted, the men sometimes described their girlfriends in sexist ways.) According to Robinson and his colleagues, “the participants overwhelmingly stated that arguments with girlfriends were more intense, trivial, and long-lasting in comparison to their bromances.” One of the men, referring to his girlfriend, said, “She will store up something you did wrong two years ago and recall it, with the exact date and time.”
Honesty. The men felt that they needed to monitor their own words and behaviors more often with their girlfriends than with their bromantic partners. In their romances, the men worried that they might say something that would start an argument. They thought their bromantic partners were more forgiving and felt they could be more honest with them.
Some of the men acknowledged that the dishonesty in their relationships with their girlfriends was on them — for example, when they said what they needed to say in order to get sex. One of the men coined the term “sexual pollution”: “Sex is expected, and it interferes with the emotional stuff ... bromances are stronger because there is no sexual pollution.”
Limitations and implications
The limitations of the study are apparent. Only a small number of men were interviewed, they were all from the same university and from sports departments, most were middle-class, and all but one was white. Also, they were all interviewed by a man, the same person each time.
The study, by itself, cannot tell us anything about how many men have bromances, or how widespread the greater valuing of bromances over romances might be. Nonetheless, it is striking that 30 men in sports departments at a single university would describe intense, emotional, and loving (but nonsexual) relationships with other men. It is remarkable, in contrast to the more homophobic decades at the end of the 20th century, that 29 of the men said that they cuddled with a bromantic partner, and at least one posted a photo of the cuddling on Facebook.
Robinson and his colleagues speculate that for some of the men, their bonding with their bromantic partners could continue beyond their college years. Of the men in the study who did not currently have a girlfriend, some “did not seem altogether longing for one.” One participant said, “Lovers are temporary; a bromance can last a lifetime.” The authors point to other research showing that “men in their thirties have regrets about not maintaining their bromances into later life, with marriage being a key barrier.”
Maybe, the authors suggest, some men will continue to live with their close male friends well into their adult years. An example of four heterosexual single men living together into their 40s was reported by the New York Times, and many other examples of non-traditional living arrangements are described in my book, How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century.
The bromance study is just one indication of the sweeping changes in relationships, values, and norms that mark 21st-century life. What’s coming next is anyone’s guess.
References
Robinson, S., White, A., & Anderson, E. (2017, in press). Privileging the bromance: A critical appraisal of romantic and bromantic relationships. Men and Masculinities.
Good
Good! And I say that as a woman.
I feel so incredibly sorry for the many men I see attached like glue to their wives. Please, stop that. Go find a friend, a buddy, somebody else to pal with from time to time.
On Psychology Today we see post after post about how one can improve their romantic relationship. But it's a rare post about how one can widen their circle of friends or improve their friendships. This study group about the bromances was way too small, studied only one demographic and had too tiny an age range. More studies should be performed, but that will probably never happen because all the study money is used to study married people and how to improve the marriages.
Men, go get some friends.
that will probably never happen
That will probably never happen because nobody really cares about the feelings of men. Even in this study it shows that their only concern is how this will affect women. They want men to be like broken horses. They only see this as a problem because men are walking away from long-term relationships. They dont consider the fact that men are unhappy within romantic relationships as a problem. This would mean that women would have to change. This is something unacceptable. The problem has to be with men. It can never be because women behave badly. It's the men that are responsible for all the problems. It's not because feminism has broken the social contract. These boy's just have to grow up and man up. They just have to accept the increasingly bad deal of modern day marriage. If they dont. It means they suffer from peter pan syndrome, they are secretly gay. Or they are not real men.
That will probably never
That will probably never happen because nobody really cares about the feelings of men.
Where do you pull this swill from? PT right here is full of articles about people's feelings. And lots of women care about their partners. You think you're speaking for everyone, but you're not. It's obvious that you're just projecting your own personal feelings about women here. Please learn the difference.
They only see this as a problem because men are walking away from long-term relationships.
Oh, so that's why more women file for divorce than men? Why don't you back up your swill with some actual facts? OK, we get that you don't feel real good about women. My feelings about women are totally the opposite.
Oh, so that's why more women file for divorce than men?
No that would be because of the money. Women are rewarded for divorce. Men are punished. It's the system that i despise. It's the gynocentric culture that i despise. It's feminism that i reject. Take a good look at the family court. Men are walking away from marriage and long-term relationships. And the fact that more women file for divorce than men is one of the reasons. Younger men have seen what happened with the generation before them. They have seen men being destroyed in divorce. Often their own fathers. And i dont have much trouble with women. Only with those from the Western world that are brainwashed with feminist bull. Outside the Western world there isn't much rong with women. I like women from Eastern europe and Asia just fine. I just see no reason to keep them around long-term.
No that be because of the
No that be because of the money. Women are rewarded for divorce.
Sounds like your own tinfoil hat theory, apparently motivated by your personal "observations". I say you're making it up and you can't back it up.
living under a rock?
Men are not treated fairly in the family courts. Maybe you have been living under a rock? Or maybe you just dont want to see it. If you really want to know more about the problems men face in modern day society. You could go to the men's rights organisations and ask. I'm sure they be happy to give you all the data you want. Personally i dont think they will ever achieve anything. But i wish them good luck. I'm not a MRA i'm MGTOW. I simply gave up on long-term relationships and i go my own way. I dont think relationships with women are worth the costs and risks involved. I simply made a list of all the positive and negative sides. And i came to the conclusion that it's not worth it. Because of that choice, i was able to save money and i'm already able to retire now at age 35. So call me a loser all you want. I'm moving to Thailand. I'm partying in a tropical paradise. While all those real men can work themselves to death in order to please their nagging wife's.
Men are not treated fairly in
Men are not treated fairly in the family courts.
And sometimes women are not treated fairly either.
I dont think relationships with women are worth the costs and risks involved. I simply made a list of all the positive and negative sides.
It's almost meaningless because all women aren't the same. Some women are criminals in jail. Some women are extremely caring and conscientious, and have a philosophy of selflessness. The apparent fact that you haven't found such a woman isn't my fault, and it's also not a justification to insist that all women are just the same in the regard that matters to you. It just makes you sound dumb.
all women aren't the same.
Some things are different. Every woman has her own personality. Some things are cultural. And some things are biological and the same for every woman. I have dated women from many different countries and backgrounds. And i'm very disappointed in Western women. In comparison with women from other cultures. They hardly bring anything to the table. While at the same time they have the highest demands. And the divorce laws are also the worst in the Western world for men. I see no reason to associate with Western women. There are better alternatives available for me. Why would i buy a used Honda for the new Ferrari price. In Asia i can have 5 beautiful young women. While for the same investment in the Western world. I would have a half decent looking woman with weight issues and bad manners. But that all doesn't even matter. I'm a appreciating asset. My money supply increases every year. While women are deprecating assets. Their beauty and fertility go's down every year. I won't buy a deprecating asset. I lease it
And i'm very disappointed in
And i'm very disappointed in Western women. In comparison with women from other cultures. They hardly bring anything to the table. While at the same time they have the highest demands.
Sure there are differences in values and backgrounds on an average group basis, but individuals can be very different, and to such an extent that your statements implying all Western women are such and such just doesn't cut it. At all.
And the divorce laws are also the worst in the Western world for men.
Well, technically you could make a case for that. In some of those other countries, you can stone a woman for adultery. You can't in the USA.
I see no reason to associate with Western women. There are better alternatives available for me. Why would i buy a used Honda for the new Ferrari price.
Well, to show how stupid your reasoning is, my wife is a professional and head of a department, and at the moment brings home a huge paycheck. So I didn't have to buy her or anything. In fact, she pays her own way quite well, and even has me on her health insurance plan since I do independent consulting.
I see you think of men as being "providers" for women. You're a bit old, apparently, and not young enough to realize that women in the USA are now earning college degrees in significantly higher numbers than men.
While for the same investment in the Western world. I would have a half decent looking woman with weight issues and bad manners.
Oh, really? For zero investment, my Western wife is not only a highly paid professional, she's also a fitness junkie and works out and does lots of endurance training.
But that all doesn't even matter. I'm a appreciating asset. My money supply increases every year. While women are deprecating assets. Their beauty and fertility go's down every year. I won't buy a deprecating asset. I lease it
Better keep yourself in good shape yourself. Otherwise you'll end up like almost 40% of American men today -- obese! And prematurely suffering from ED, which isn't exactly appealing to those young beauties you'll keep trading in for as you age.
sexual market value
"women in the USA are now earning college degrees in significantly higher numbers than men." And that's why they have trouble with finding partners. A college degree or paycheck doesn't increase a woman's sexual market value. Men dont select their partner on those things. Only women do that. Many women complain of them having to date down. They are not dating down. If a woman scores a 5 in looks. She's a 5. No college degree or paycheck will make her a 10. Women select men on college degree and financial status. Men dont select women in that way. These women will look for a man that earns more than they do. And most will never find him. The men they want will have no interest in them unless they are smoking hot. And smoking hot girls dont need education or a career. They get everything for free. Men will give them everything they want.
females going to college.
Women are most fertile in their teens and early twenties. A woman's sexual market value drops after the age of 24. Women who go to college are spending their most valuable breeding years in school. After they are done with college. They already past their peek years. If they work on making career they will lose even more value. And than they wake up one morning in their 30's. Asking where have all the good men gone. Simple, the good men (those with money) are not interested in them anymore. They are having a good time with the 20yo models. You have missed your window.
boring...
Women who go to college are spending their most valuable breeding years in school. After they are done with college. They already past their peek years. If they work on making career they will lose even more value.
No moron, because women are actually capable of having kids and a career at the same time, just like men claim they are capable of. And so my wife decided to have kids early, and she worked as a consultant so that she'd have flexible hours. Then got a permanent job when the schedule was more flexible.
And than they wake up one morning in their 30's. Asking where have all the good men gone.
Yeah, and part of that in America is the system men have set up where you have very little time off for kids. But my wife managed it nevertheless by having the skills and marketability to be a technology consultant during her pregnancy years.
Simple, the good men (those with money) are not interested in them anymore. They are having a good time with the 20yo models. You have missed your window.
Your conventional thinking is just dull and uninsightful.
"women in the USA are now
"women in the USA are now earning college degrees in significantly higher numbers than men." And that's why they have trouble with finding partners.
Yes, because more men are living at home in their parents' basement playing video games and watching porn rather than going to the trouble of dating. There have been whole articles about this in the WSJ and elsewhere. A new phenom these days.
A college degree or paycheck doesn't increase a woman's sexual market value. Men dont select their partner on those things.
Well, genius, that isn't why women get college degrees! Did you really think that's all that's on women's minds? LOL
Only women do that. Many women complain of them having to date down.
Yeah, because more guys are just lazy or don't have the proper male mentoring...our society is failing on that count.
They are not dating down.
Actually, many women are because they have no other choice.
If a woman scores a 5 in looks. She's a 5. No college degree or paycheck will make her a 10.
Actually, not true. An education and good income tends to make people healthier. A woman who works out and does beauty work, and has a great wardrobe can get a much higher "Trump rating" (as you seem to boil it down to). Unless, of course you're blind and think a woman is the same whether she's superfit fit and wears hot clothes or grossly overweight and wearing worn-out baggy clothes that don't fit.
The men they want will have no interest in them unless they are smoking hot. And smoking hot girls dont need education or a career. They get everything for free. Men will give them everything they want.
Wrong. SOME men will, not all. Take me for example, yes, I wanted someone hot and extremely smart who's professional and can pull down a big income to add to mine. And I got that, happily. I would NEVER EVER have settled for a woman who's an air-head no matter how smoking hot. Because you see, I'm not an idiot like you. For one thing, intelligence is inherited to some degree, and if you want really dumb kids, marry a dumb woman just for her looks.
So that's why I looked for a woman who's both very smart and attractive. You apparently, and most men, would settle for less. Of course, if you're too dumb to understand that, you get what you deserve, I suppose!
propaganda
Yes, because more men are living at home in their parents' basement playing video games and watching porn rather than going to the trouble of dating. There have been whole articles about this in the WSJ and elsewhere. A new phenom these days. Really? and why is that. because they have to hide the fact that feminism is destroying society. Everyone is blaming men. Feminist because they hate men. And traditionalist because they believe the women can never be held responsible for anything. If young men think jerking off and playing computer games are preferable over women. Than maybe the problems aren't with men or computer games. Maybe the women aren't bringing much value to their lives. Isn't that exactly what the guys in this article were telling. That a bromance has more value than a romantic relationship with women. Maybe it's time to ask the question "what are the women doing rong?" Even the suggestion that women would have to change is not acceptable. No can't blame women for anything. It's the men.
Men are voting with their feet.
Until women are bringing more value into the relationship. Men will vote with their feet. Women who want it all. Will end with nothing. No amount of propaganda or feminist laws will change that. Men are walking away from women and society. And it will only get worse. You people can do whatever you want. I really dont care. This bicycle doesn't need a fish. I'm perfectly happy without a fish. This bicycle is going his own way. And he's taking his wallet with him. I'm out of the game. The Western world can burn just fine without me.
Maybe it's time to ask the
Maybe it's time to ask the question "what are the women doing rong?"
Sure, they should bring "value to men" because that's their purpose, right, to please men?
Try a better attitude.
because that's their purpose, right, to please men?
It depends on the relationship you want. Both party's have to bring someting of value into the relationship. If both party's are happy about the value the other party brings. Good trade. If one or both party's aren't satisfied. It's a bad deal. Right now more and more people are unhappy with the value the other party brings. Conclusion it's a bad deal. Dont do it. Negotiate a new deal or move on. What other people do is up to them. I will never get married, have children or do cohabitation. That's something i'm not willing to do. I tell women exactly what i want and what i'm willing to give. Take it or leave it. I'm open and direct about it. They know from the start that i'm not looking for love. If they are not happy about that, they shouldn't spend time with me. Pleasing me is part of the deal. If they dont want that. They shouldn't spend time with me. I negotiate with the women in my life. I dont believe in a one seize fits all approach. (all deals are short-term)
move next to a brothel
I Negotiate a new deal or move on. What other people do is up to them. I will never get married, have children or do cohabitation. That's something i'm not willing to do. I tell women exactly what i want and what i'm willing to give. Take it or leave it. I'm open and direct about it. They know from the start that i'm not looking for love. If they are not happy about that, they shouldn't spend time with me. Pleasing me is part of the deal. If they dont want that. They shouldn't spend time with me. I negotiate with the women in my life. I dont believe in a one seize fits all approach. (all deals are short-term)
I have the ideal solution for you that meets ALL of your requirements: move to a house in Nevada near one of their legal brothels. You tell 'em exactly what you want and are willing to give -- check! Open and direct -- check! Pleasing you is part of the deal -- check! Not looking for love -- check! You negotiate with the women (plural) in your life (where pleasing you is "part of the deal") -- check! All deals are short-term -- check!!
A brothel with prostitutes available around the clock checks all of your requirements boxes! And a lot cheaper than paying a high-maintenance "hot" wife for her healthcare, food, allowance, her own car, extra rooms in your house, tickets on vacations, double cost for restaurant meals, not to mention the cost of the divorce when she "rips you off" and walks away with half, if not more, of everything you've worked so hard to amass. No kids, no cohabitation, no marriage. And the girls at the brothel will always be young and pretty, even though you'll age.
It checks ALL your boxes. You don't even need to move out of the country!
brothel
The world is my brothel. Costs: a drink at the bar and a compliment about her outfit.
The world is my brothel.
The world is my brothel. Costs: a drink at the bar and a compliment about her outfit.
You'll be spending a lot of time at the bar with spotty results, especially as you age. And when you get sick, you'll be all alone. And if you somehow think picking up women at a bar is safer (unlike weekly STI checking required at the Nevada brothels), cheaper, easier, or faster, you're not only kidding yourself but you're not earning enough money for these small costs to not matter.
I hope you someday outgrow your immature boyish attitudes about women and enjoy a real relationship. You might think you're "teaching the world a lesson" by shunning women, but nobody cares. All you're doing in my case is leaving more women for me.
leaving more women for me.
~leaving more women for me. Hope they make you happy
~a real relationship. One divorce was expensive enough. Never again.
~you'll be all alone.. Great. I like it that way.
~picking up women. Sometimes, I'm not a PUA
Most of all, I dont really care. Sex can be fun sometimes. But it's not that important to me. Women are not important to me.
You don't have to do any of it
-----"What other people do is up to them. I will never get married, have children or do cohabitation."
You don't have to do any of that to live a high quality life. I have several male friends who never married nor had children, they appear happy.
The only difference between them and you is they don't rant about the evils of women, they actually enjoy the company of women and seem to respect them. They have tons of friends and have a good attitude. They all have responsible jobs or are retired on hefty pensions and a lot of dough in the bank.
But none of them rant like you do. No one cares about your reproductive or marital choices...so I don't see why you coontinue on about women.
If you don't want to be with women, I say great. Live your life as you see fit. The women will move on and find a mate, and you won't be sending your DNA into the future. Sounds like a win for everyone.
rant
The discussion was about wy romantic relationships dont work anymore. Wy guys look elsewhere for everything other than sex. The guys in the article already give some answers. And nobody seems to care that they are not happy with romantic relationships. The only thing people care about is the effects on women.
Read before posting
You've got to get a hold on your reading comprehension skills.
"They only see this as a problem because men are walking away from long-term relationships."
"Oh, so that's why more women file for divorce than men?"
Did you find the keyword in the first quote yet?
Its this word: "this"
THIS PROBLEM. THIS SPECIFIC PROBLEM. THIS ONE. You're talking about another problem, and its completely irrelevant. The fact that men being in a self-described "bromance" might be causing said men to walk away from long-term relationships with the opposite sex is the problem that is being discussed, not which gender files for divorce more often. You don't even have to get a divorce to walk away from a relationship!
tl;dr: You're not very smart. You like to respond to things without first checking for context or key words, and you should probably stop that.
Put Your Homoerotic Fantasies on Hold Ladies:
Except for the cuddling -- this was known as friendship.
I doubt very many men, other than the White mangina liberals who took part in this "study" would engage in the physical part...
..Well, maybe some guys in prison.
This says it all: (Big Nothing Burger)
"The limitations of the study are apparent. Only a small number of men were interviewed, they were all from the same university and from sports departments, most were middle-class, and all were white except for one. They were all interviewed by a man, the same person each time."
cuddling
It's not like guys in the so called bromance will be cuddling all the time. It's nothing like you would do with a woman. It's not in a gay fashion. It's more like the way you'll embrace a brother. I totally agree that this would be much better for men in a post feminism world. Looking back, i totally value my bromance experience over my marriage experience. The only thing i need women for is sex. And maybe in a few years that problem could be solved with realistic sex bots. Women will become totally useless to men in the near future. Women will have their world without bicycles. Just like they wanted.
The only thing i need women
The only thing i need women for is sex. And maybe in a few years that problem could be solved with realistic sex bots. Women will become totally useless to men in the near future. Women will have their world without bicycles. Just like they wanted.
What a limited outlook! I've found they make just as good friends as men. Different in some ways, but just as good, and the difference leads to a richer overall experience and understanding.
All this just goes to show
All this just goes to show what crappy companions women are in the end.
Women are only supportive of men if they can get something out of the relationship.
A woman is your friend only if it benefits her more than you.
Women are only supportive of
Women are only supportive of men if they can get something out of the relationship.
A woman is your friend only if it benefits her more than you.
Since I know many women who are not like that, what you're telling me is you've been dating a string of losers. You remind me of the guy sitting alone at the end of the bar, complaining to the bartender about how all women are worthless. You're in the same category as women who continually claim men are worthless slobs who always lie and cheat. Sounds dumb.
all women are like that.
Women are only supportive of men if they can get something out of the relationship.
A woman is your friend only if it benefits her more than you.
This is just female biology. It's the harsh truth. All women are like that. Men and women have a different experience because we are biological different. Women can never love the same way that men can. Romantic love is a beautiful lie. Women dont love men. Women love everything that men can give them. And she will trade up if she can. If she thinks she can do better. She will leave her husband. This is just biology. It's part of the mating strategy that made us successful. Nothing to be bitter about. Just be aware of it. She will never be your woman. It's just your turn.
sounds of a loser
All women are like that.
When I hear that I know what's coming next. Just a vacuous diatribe against women from someone who sounds dumb. You know, the loser sitting at the end of the bar having a monologue with the bartender, complaining about 20 different groups of people who are "all the same" within each group, each group having some very horrible quality which makes them less than human, while he, of course, is perfect.
Thanks for the laugh.
It's instinct!
Women have different instincts than men. That doesn't mean they are bad. They just doing what's in their nature to do. Men also have a darker side. Mostly linked to their dominance instinct. That doesn't mean men and women are always acting on those instincts. But we all have them. The fact that you feel the need to defend women is also instinct. Both men and women value female life's higher than men's life's. It's part of our survival tactic as humans. All women have female instincts "all women are like that". All men have male instincts "All men are like that".
Mostly total hogwash. Yes,
Mostly total hogwash. Yes, we have instincts as humans, but the difference between men and women is another matter. I doubt you have even a shred of scientific evidence you can link which suggests any of the "instincts" you just made up off the top of your head as being specific to men and women.
Mating preferences 2
Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive.[7] Evolutionary psychologists contend this is an inherent sex difference arising out of sexual selection, with men driven to seek women who will give birth to healthy babies and women driven to seek men who will be able to provide the necessary resources for the family's survival.
Studies of heterosexual mate
Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive.[7] Evolutionary psychologists contend this is an inherent sex difference arising out of sexual selection, with men driven to seek women who will give birth to healthy babies and women driven to seek men who will be able to provide the necessary resources for the family's survival.
yeah, we know. But that doesn't mean that instincts that YOU MAKE UP are also real. Yes, we know that women have the instinct to make a baby and men don't. Duuuuuhhhh...
Like the instincts about men and women valuing men's vs. women's lives, most likely only cultural. Your insistence otherwise is just something you've made up off the top of your head. I stand by my statement -- total hogwash.
Not cultural.
If you have a tribe of 100 people. 50 male and 50 female. And something terrible happened like a tribal war. 40 males died. The tribe will survive. The remaining 10 males can easily impregnate the 50 females multiple times. If the situation was the other way around and 40 females had died. The tribe is lost. There would be fighting amongst the males over the 10 remaining females. All social structures would break down. The survival of the tribe depends on the available fertile females. That's why we are programmed to value their lives more. It's about survival of the tribe. And females often reject males that refuse to fight for the tribe. You can see this both with monkey's and humans. While no such expectation exist for females.
That's why we are programmed
That's why we are programmed to value their lives more. It's about survival of the tribe. And females often reject males that refuse to fight for the tribe. You can see this both with monkey's and humans. While no such expectation exist for females.
Too contrived. All it shows is that people adapt to various situations and don't use rigid instincts. In this case it's scarcity and competition, not an inherent rigid "value" of women over men.
Briffault’s Law:
The Corollaries to Briffault’s Law:
1 - Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.
2 - Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)
3 - A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).
The government
In my personal experience with women. I 100% believe Briffault’s Law to be true. And i'm okay with it. I only have a problem with the government acting in the interest of the women and it's self. The combination of laws based on the old traditional family structure. Mixed with laws that are based on the feminist ideology . Has created a very toxic environment for men. Women have all the power in modern day relationships. While men still have most of the responsibility. And the only way to avoid that responsibility. Is by avoiding women. I wouldn't have much trouble with women if the government wouldn't get involved. Women often become vindictive after a break up. And most do not mind using the power of the state against the ex lover. And the state doesn't mind shaking a man down in the family courts. I think it's ridiculous that a man has to keep paying after the woman has left him. The exchange of money and services between man and woman are a personal matter. The government shouldn't have any part in it.
Mating preferences
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” -- Robert Briffault, The Mothers, I, 191
The Corollaries to Briffault’s Law:
1 - Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.
2 - Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)
3 - A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).
Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying another of higher caste or social status than themselves.
Article ovwrsight - "bromances" with women
What am I missing? Men can only have sexual relationships with women, not just friendships? I guess when it comes to men, women are just sex objects???
I have just as many female close friends as I have male friends. In fact a few of my very closest friends are women. Contrary to the assumption in the article, I'm actually capable of having great friendships with a few women that are not sexual. A total shocker, huh?!!!
And in fact those close nonsexual relationships (especially when we're both happily committed to other opposite-sex sexual parents) can be very special and valuable for the exact reason given for the supposed superiority of bromances, namely no "sexual pollution". We can openly talk about sexual experiences and trade insights from the opposite sex without complications. You can't do that with a bromance, period.
Corrections
Please apply the obvious spelling corrections to my post above. I hate my Android auto-corrector.
Easy there...
Anonymous, what you say is all fine, but I do not think the author was suggesting that you can't have those relationships with people of the opposite sex. They were more focused on men having those relationships with other men, which historically was not looked upon the same way.
Historically I would suggest that men always had that type of relationship (without the cuddling) but it was usually centred around sports or combat of some sort. It is a move forward that we don't need that anymore as an excuse to get together and share experiences.
For me, the interesting part was that girlfriends were okay with it, as long as they were more important (paraphrasing). I have found in my past relationships with women that I had to fight tooth and nail to maintain my guy relationships once it became serious with the woman. I would then let those guy relationships suffer accordingly, making my girl my priority because it was just easier. Later on, my female partner is wondering aloud "why don't you hang out with more people"....??
Not putting the whole issue on her/them, but it is an interesting paradox.
women are just sex objects???
Yes! In the western world women have little to offer. Feminism has ruined marriage and relationships. Divorce is the most likely outcome of marriage. And the family courts are bias against men. You risk losing not just the investment in the relationship. You'll risk your home, your money, your future income, your children. You can do everything right as a man. And still you can lose everything. Even cohabitation is a dangerous thing in most of the Western world. Even without being officially married you can still be screwed in the courts. Women have given up on their traditional gender role. Men should do the same. The social contract is broken. We dont owe women anything anymore. And non sexual friendships with women are not the same. A female friend will never be as trustworthy as a male friend. Women are for sex, that's all. Feminism has made it this way.
Rings true, and that's good
I don't see anything wrong with this.
Bromances > Romances.
I think conventional (since the 1800's ) Western society has got it all wrong. Same gender friendships tend to last years and years, maybe a lifetime. Hetero relationships tend to naturally expire much more quickly.
Same gender friendships tend
Same gender friendships tend to last years and years, maybe a lifetime. Hetero relationships tend to naturally expire much more quickly.
Speak for yourself. Not true for me at all.
A cursory look at art and literature
Reveals that enduring bromances, male friendships, have been around forever and have been documented through letters, books, art, etc. Perhaps now that are starting to be studied.