First dates are a complicated dance: part job interview, part personal PR pitch, part opening for that magical *je ne sais quoi *that infuses only the best of initial hang-outs. Dating site Zoosk surveyed 5,000 members about appropriate first-date fodder, and one stat made my jaw drop:
*41 percent of men believe if either party is unable or unwilling to have children, it should be discussed on or immediately following the first date.*I was too shocked to sort out my own reaction, so I asked the other people in my life what they thought. Their responses quickly grouped themselves into three categories. Read on to see what men and women thought of the idea of talking about the desire to have children on the first date.
I GET IT...SORT OF.
"My last year of dating in NYC, this often came up on first dates. Second, latest. It's important. When you get close to 30, you need to know where guys are at. Especially in New York City, where there are so many Peter Pans. I don't think the first date is too early at all if it's a good date. It usually comes up when people talk about nieces and nephews!" —Lyz, 29, Oakland, Calif.
"Unable and unwilling seem like two very different convos. Unwilling? First date or soon after seems appropriate. Unable? Way too personal for first date, and conversations about other possible options (adoption, surrogacy, etc.) are couple conversations." —Sandi, 33, Washington, D.C.
"If it's important to them, they have every right to bring it up, but they're showing their hand before the game really gets going, so they shouldn't be offended if the other person decides to fold." —Chase, 32, New York City
"I think it's OK if you want to ask because it's really important to you and to expect an honest answer, but to expect it to be divulged (especially when it's a personal health issue) seems insane to me. If one party really wants kids, it will naturally come up once the relationship starts to get serious. But asking a woman or man who has a deeply personal health issue preventing pregnancy to just tell that to every first date is nuts." —Leah, 31, New York City
HELL NO.
"Talking about having babies on the first date is crazy and a huge red flag. I've spent my entire dating life desperately trying not to have kids." —Patrick, 31, Madison, Wis.